Doing it for the kids. But also doing it for me, too.
I’m endlessly fascinated by where life takes us. Spiritually, geographically, professionally and personally. It’s a helluva journey.
Good mental health and seeking peace have been ongoing preoccupations for some time, after struggles with anxiety and general disconnect led me to therapy several years ago. As an introverted extrovert, I am beginning to discover my sense of self and in turn, my place in the world.
At the ripe old age of 38, I feel like I’m just getting started.
The dazzling lights of destiny
I don’t necessarily believe in fate. In the idea that we’re destined to become someone, or end up in a particular place. But I do believe that if we live life with open ears, open eyes and a positive attitude that we can go somewhere amazing.
For the last twelve years, part of this journey has involved India. Initially, for no specific reason other than an accidental visit. A seed sewn which would, in time, change everything. And lead to living there, working there, and falling for the most incredibly diverse and bamboozling country on the planet.
Why we help others
Doing “charity” is a funny old thing. Do we do it for ourselves, or is it born of a genuine desire to help others? And by doing it in India, is there some white saviour motivation, or a feeling of superiority because it falls into the ‘developing world’ bracket?
The reality, I think, is that India could have been anywhere. It just so happened that it was the first place I saw real poverty. I’ve always sought to help those I meet who need it, regardless of where and when that might be. And I couldn’t leave the country without scratching that itch.
In the service of others
My ability to do this is the result of a series of coincidences and good fortune. Of privilege and by virtue of the world I was born into. But the need to do so is because of my own trauma. Not because of race, class or superiority. I could just as easily have fallen upon a cause in the UK.
But I didn’t. My purpose is to live partly in the service of others, and for now, that means folks in India. I’ve laid the foundations, built the relationships and done the work. Does this sound self-congratulatory, self-aggrandising?
I hope not. Because it’s coming from the heart.
A nudge in the right direction
When you’re stuck somewhere, I think you almost always need intervention to be able to escape. And that this is true anywhere in the world. Growing up in rural Oxfordshire was hardly impoverished, but there was - what I have come to call - a lack of perception of opportunity.
That town. That place. Those people. They were limiting factors when it came to seeing what was possible in life. It was thanks to my parents and some early employers that I begun to see that there was more out there. Without them, I don’t know where I’d be.
All I needed was a little push. An outsider’s perspective, the chance to do something different, and a little encouragement and support.
For the kids (they’re really young adults now) that I sponsor in Mumbai and Kolkata, this is really all I did. Write, talk, visit them once in a while. Stay in touch on WhatsApp. No grand intervention or gesture. Just a little bit of love.
It turns out that people are really good at helping themselves if given the opportunity. As the privileged few, we must create the chance for those less fortunate to do so. Where we decide to do this is immaterial.
The joy of reconnecting
Heading back to India I was somewhere between quite and very excited. Childlike almost. I’m glad that part of me still exists.
It had been over two years and lots had changed. I’d missed three graduations and the feeling of the tropical sun on my face. We’ve been working on a new business over zoom for 18 months, and I was overjoyed to be able to meet members of the team for the first time IRL. To share a beer, to hug, and to laugh at the height discrepancies that video calls had masked.
I’m also so proud of the young adults that Rani, Puja, Manu, Atisha and Amit have become. I’ve watched from a far as they’ve changed their own lives. Benefitting from their friendship and support as much as I hope they have mine.
It’s this win-win, mutual benefit that makes helping others so rewarding. It’s amazing what we learn about ourselves, when we really get to know others from completely different walks of life.
As we sat on the beach in Goa talking about life, our pasts, and our dreams for the future, one of the young women said to me,
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“I can’t control the environment that I was born into. The fact that my mum died, and that my father didn’t want me. But tomorrow, I can only blame myself if I don’t try my best today.”
And in that moment, something inside me changed: if she can choose to think like this, then so can I. Finding the strength to let go of the past, to be present, patient, and seek clarity for the future.
That’s really why I do this. For them, and selfishly for me, too. Because I truly believe I’m a better human being and a better version of myself for it. Happier even.
So hopefully, everybody wins. And what could be better than that?
Keep an eye on your inbox on the 6th of June. I can’t wait to share details of what we’ve been working on, and why my relationship with India is so central to it’s mission and objectives. Watch this space.
